What. is. wrong. with. me
I guess I'm not perfect and I am being human, but still. That's no excuse. I just don't even know what I feel. I can't gather what I want to say into the right format. I'm a mess.
And I hate talking. I hate letting out my emotions. My words start jumbling over themselves. I wish talking could be just through writing, I think I'd be so much better at it. I hate confrontation, and maybe that's why I hate admitting things about myself. I don't don't understand where I stand right now, in everything.
Mostly, spiritually. I mean that in the sense that, I have not read my bible, I haven't been going to church for the past month. My excuse is because I work on Saturdays and Sunday is my only "rest" day or time to "sleep in". What the heck? Since when did that ever stop me. See, I feel like I'm becoming stagnant, or like I'm getting bored or something.
I love God. I love Him with all of my heart. I'm just afraid that my passion and my fire is dwindling. Where has that all gone to? I've become distracted. I've let myself become focused on other things that are meaningless, that don't even have any sense in entertaining.
I need God. I need Him desperately. I need to feel the drenching of His spirit over my life. I need the warmth and comfort of His presence.
I feel sad. I can't stand feeling like this.
I feel like I'm doing something WRONG. I need to hear His voice, that voice that whispers to your heart the right words that need to be said.
Jesus, rain on me.