Inside of my soul...

I feel so blank right now. I feel restless. The thoughts in my head seem to be running on overtime, and I don't like it. I just want to bang my head on the concrete to shut all the words away! sigh. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I've let myself stray, well not myself, but my thoughts. I've let them wander off to places that they don't need to be wandering off to. I know better, yet I let my flesh take over.  

What. is. wrong. with. me

I guess I'm not perfect and I am being human, but still. That's no excuse.  I just don't even know what I feel. I can't gather what I want to say into the right format. I'm a mess.

And I hate talking. I hate letting out my emotions. My words start jumbling over themselves. I wish talking could be just through writing, I think I'd be so much better at it.  I hate confrontation, and maybe that's why I hate admitting things about myself.  I don't don't understand where I stand right now, in everything. 

Mostly, spiritually.  I mean that in the sense that, I have not read my bible, I haven't been going to church for the past month.  My excuse is because I work on Saturdays and Sunday is my only "rest" day or time to "sleep in". What the heck? Since when did that ever stop me.  See, I feel like I'm becoming stagnant, or like I'm getting bored or something.  

I love God. I love Him with all of my heart. I'm just afraid that my passion and my fire is dwindling.  Where has that all gone to?  I've become distracted. I've let myself become focused on other things that are meaningless, that don't even have any sense in entertaining. 

I need God. I need Him desperately. I need to feel the drenching of His spirit over my life.  I need the warmth and comfort of His presence.  

I feel sad.  I can't stand feeling like this.

I feel like I'm doing something WRONG.  I need to hear His voice, that voice that whispers to your heart the right words that need to be said. 

Jesus, rain on me.

I think I'll come back to update here. Just for the sake of it! :D

I'm off to bed right now though!  Hasta luego...nigh nighs.

I'm back though.  I'm tired of blogging everywhere else.

I was just going through all my archives, all the old entries and comments....

I miss you all!

How have you been?

I blog here by the way..... www.dreamysoul.com

Just in case you have ever wondered.

But again...HOW ARE YOU?

Sorry!  I'm consumed with my other journals...LOL vox and my reg. journal.  Anyways.  The biggest news with me is that I moved out on my own.  Of course, I have a room mate which happens to be a very close friend of mine!  

But yeah. That's what's new with me!!

I am SO excited. :D

Just wanted to share a few photos from this last Saturday.  Mindie, Lexi and I decided to just have a girls day and hang out at my house.  We watched t.v., did our makeup, made some videos of ourselves, and just had a plain 'ole great time! :D

This is my princess, lexi, but we call her laqueda!!  :D

This is me....duh!

This is Mindie....you like her makeup?  I had fun doing it, I love working with her eyes. :D

Lucy drew this for me...I love it so much!  I finally got to hang it up in my room.

Oh yeah, this is my tattoo.  I got it when I turned 18.  It was like 5 of us girls and we just got our tats done on the spur of the moment!  Dumb I tell ya!  

Look at her being sassy!  This girl is a riot.  I have to download the video that she made. :D

Awh!  Friends forever.  She is awesome!

Ok, lucy called me on Saturday and told me that she had something to show me and that I was gonna laaaaaaaaaaauuugh so hard!  Well, she was right!  She bought herself a car for 400 bucks. LMBO!  It looks like they're about to split the car in two!!  LOL!!  Hey, at least she's got a ride though right? Hehehe.  

Alright.  'Tis all!